My Awesome (Fake) Resume!!!

Azhneen Amaya

2121 You Don’t Say! Street TheGame, NY 81452 (707) 707-7007 bobeatspie@yourmom.com

EXPERIENCE Washing Machine Inc., Chicago IL, I put doors on washing machines!!! LIKE A BOSS!!! Time Inc., Chicago, IL— Day Counter(I counted days. As they went by.) Author, Chicago, IL — Storyeth Writer EDUCATION Bright Horizons Preschool, Chicago, IL — Graduated. LIKE A BOSS!!! LALALALALA Middle School, Chicago, IL — Seventh Grade PROJECTS Book Report Project, Sixth Grade — I wrote poems. About a book. The book was “Totally Joe”. I win.

SKILLS Mixed Martial Arts Storyeth Writing Eating Pie Eating Brownies Eating Spinach Eating in General Sleeping Living AWARDS Voted Most Likely To Save The Environment in 6th Grade Award For Completion of All 6th Grade Book Reports Merit Roll LANGUAGES English, and I’m working on Spanish, thank you very much. (Muchos gracias)

Allow Me To Explain...

So. You probably noticed some things about the letter to Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. You may have a few questions. So allow me to explain...

First of all, who is Azhneen Amaya?

Azhneen Amaya is a fake name I made up. Azhneen is my nickname. (You pronounce the "zh" like a soft "j" or an "sh" but with your voice.) It is how you pronounce the sentence, "I am a ninja." backwards...Yes. I speak backwards. 

Where did I come up with the random numbers?

Well, 707 is LOL upside-down. Also, don't call the number I listed. I don't know whose it is... 81452 are the angle numbers in a Kali(Filipino type of martial arts involving sticks and knives) sequence, the Full Sombrada. 

Is that a real email and place?

I don't think it's a real email. Don't email that address just in case. And I don't think TheGame, Ny 81452 is a real place. If it is...well I'll be darned.

Why did I write this letter in the first place?

I want to know if you guys want to see Uncle Philly Willy Bobby Billy Buffalo McGee Junior appear in following Storyeths!

Let me know in the comments if you want Uncle Philly Willy Bobby Billy Buffalo McGee Junior to make appearances! Also let me know if you have any more questions!

A Letter To Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III

Azhneen Amaya Your Creator ㅡ Azhneen Amaya 2121 You Don’t Say! St TheGame, NY 81452 707.707.7007 bobeatspie@yourmom.com

8 SEPTEMBER 20XV Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III Unemployed 21 Storyeth Ave. Tasty, Storyeth Land 70007 Dear Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, I am writing this letter for a few reasons. One of which is to thank you for your patronage in my Storyeths. You have been a true credit to them. Everyone loves your appearances. My question is: Do you think it would be a good idea to have your younger brother in my Storyeths? I think my readers would love to hear all about Uncle Philly Willy Bobby Billy Buffalo McGee Junior. Pass on to your brother that I am willing to offer a large sum of money, or soda-pop, whichever he is more interested in, if he makes appearances in future Storyeths. I know how fond he is of Root Beer. Maybe I would be willing to throw in a bonus pair of overalls, or a new feather hat. Tell him to consider my offer. I am also writing to pass along a very important message from your friend Salad, the walrus. She is inviting you to a tea party at her basket. It is on September 12, 2019. She hopes you will be there. Uncle Philly Willy Bobby Billy Buffalo McGee Junior, THE FACE, Little Simon, and Harry the Potter will all be attending. Last of all, I would like to interest you in a new outfit. A pair of overalls is too similar to your brother’s style. You should wear something that screams you! I was thinking maybe a tuxedo. And I know how much you love your feather hat, so I’ll let you keep that. But if you continue to wear your overalls, readers will think that your brother is copying you, and that I have gotten less creative. I personally think that both of you should wear feather hats. The feather in your hat is purple, and I was thinking that Uncle Philly Willy Bobby Billy Buffalo McGee Junior would wear a hat with a pink feather, but I’m not entirely sure about that idea. Send me you and your brother’s opinions on the matter. Thanks again! Sincerely, Azhneen Amaya

This Storyeth Is The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread! Part 2!!! (Merry Halloween!)

Hello, reader. Unfortunately, I do not have any dramatic music. But I'm sure you can think up or remember some. So you go ahead and do that while there is an epic flashback in black and white that speeds up and slows down occasionally. Until you get to the part after Jebediah, who is still in Australia, gasps.

       ...Well, maybe you don't remember that. In any case, here's the last thing that happened: "It took them 21.2121212121212121212121212121212121 seconds to get to Mars. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III wanted to make a good impression among the Martians, so he put on a clean pair of overalls. Nobody wore space helmets because in the Storyeth world, living things do not need oxygen to survive. The king of Mars came to greet the visitors. "Welcome to Mars. I am the king, Bruno Mars!" Gasp! Everyone was in disbelief! Even Stefon! Even Salad's basket! Even Jebediah, who was still in Australia!"...

      "Wow. It must be a great honor to be Bruno Mars!" exclaimed Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. THE FACE said, "No, I think it's a bigger honor to be the king of Mars!" Bruno Mars said, "That's all very nice, but Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, I've got one question for you." "Yes?" Bruno Mars did a cartwheel, a back flip, then a triple front flip then pointed to Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's shoes. "WHAT ARE THOSE????????" His shoes were glass slippers. His left shoe had a pink post-it note in it. His right shoe had a green post-it note in it. "Oh, these?" Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III blushed. "These are my lovely little shoes. They have my pet post-it notes in them. The pink one's name is Pinky, and the green one's name is Bluey. Do you like my shoes??" "No," said Bruno Mars. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III started to bawl. "But I think they're fabulous!" Salad the Walrus said, "Well, Bruno, that wasn't very nice!" Then Bruno Mars explained. "I don't LIKE them. I LOVE them!!!" "Really?" Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III sniffled. "Of course! They're great! Where can I get a pair?" "I know where you can get a pair!" piped up Harry the Potter. "You can get them at Best Buy!" "I think I'll go get me some. Hope you enjoyed your stay on Mars!" "Time to leave already?" Asked Simon who was in his bathtub. "Let me just finish up this drawing." The companions waited until Simon finished his drawing to get back in the spaceship. Colonel Pinobscott took them back to their home planet. On the ride back, Salad saw a gray kitten with the body of a pop tart with rainbows following it. It was beautiful. 

     When they got back, it was Halloween! Simon dressed up as Salad. Salad dressed up as Harry the Potter. Harry the Potter dressed up as Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III dressed up as THE FACE, who dressed up as Simon. They all went trick-or-treating together and got lots of candy. Salad got her basket some candy, too. And they all lived crazily ever after.

     ..,So that's the Storyeth that is the best thing since sliced bread. Meanwhile, I just wrote Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III a letter...

Back to School

I understand that a lot of my viewers, and myself as well, recently went back to school. I just wanted to post this meme:




Beautiful, right? Muy, MUY hermoso.

So, students, don't turn your teacher into the "Y U NO" guy. Bring a pencil. Or a pen. Be prepared.

Have fun learning!

A Friendly Reminder

Hey, everyone!I just wanted to remind you of The Game! YOU LOST. YOU'RE WELCOME. I KNOW THAT I AM EVIL. >:D

Which Do You Prefer?

Greetings! I was wondering, which kind of Storyeth do you guys prefer? The random kind with a bunch of stories that have nothing to do with each other or the kind with reoccurring characters that follow a plot? This time I decided to do the kind that follows a plot. Let me know if you want me to maybe mix it up a bit. Make sure to comment which you prefer!

This Is What I Do

This video. It is beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoQ5goVpjyM

This Storyeth is the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread!

There was once a poodle who liked strawberry ice cream. The poodle lived in a school. The principal of the school was a sticky banshee. When the poodle got to her house (the school), she went into her bedroom, which is the cafeteria. The poodle and the banshee are best friends, so when the banshee saw the poodle come in, she said, "Oh, joyous day, joyous day! My best friend has come home!" The poodle sang a song, which was one of her favorite things to do. The banshee applauded. "Brava! Brava! Wonderful performance!" All of a sudden, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III came rushing in. He was accompanied by THE FACE and Li'l Simon. Simon was in his bathtub, as per usual. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III was crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the poodle. Through his tears, he replied, "I have six tickets to go to Mars, but I only have three people!" "Mars! I would love to go, if you don't mind!" piped up the poodle. "I do not wish to venture to Mars. Outer space has bad effects on banshees," said the principal. "Really?" said Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. "That's terrific! But I still need two more people." THE FACE said, "Yo, UBBJJJJIII? I got an idea." THE FACE held his breath for 20 seconds, as that was the signal. Hans and Franz appeared and said, "We want to pump--" they reverse-clapped, "you down! Now why are you distressed?" THE FACE said, "UBBJJJJIII, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, you know, has six tickets to go to Mars, and so far, we only have four people. You guys wanna join us?" "We're sorry, but we have to go around the world and appear in front of distressed people and help them. We do not get breaks." Hans and Franz disappeared. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III sobbed. THE FACE said, "It's okay. Fuggedaboutit. We'll find someone else. Okay?" Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III nodded glumly. "Yo, UBBJJJJIII, why don't we invite Salad?" "Gee, that's a GREAT idea!" said Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, perking up. The gang went to Salad the Walrus' house, which was her beloved basket. THE FACE knocked on the lid. Salad came out. "Why, hello there!" she hooted. "What a pleasant surprise!" THE FACE said, "Would you like to go with us to Mars?" "Why, that would be delightful!" responded Salad. "May I bring along a friend?" Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III said, "Oh, yes! We need one more person anyway. Who are you bringing along?" "My good buddy Harry!" Everyone followed Salad to find Harry. They went into Harry's Pottery. "Harry? Yoo hoo!" called Salad. Harry came out and said, "Oh boy, customers! Welcome to Harry's Pottery! Finest pottery around! My name is Harry. How can I help you?" Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III asked, "Would you like to come along with us to Mars?" Salad had a hopeful look on her face. "Yes, I would love to come!" said Harry the Potter. "WAIT!!!" shouted Salad. "I need someone to watch over my basket while I'm gone!" Simon, who had been quiet before, now chimed in, "I know someone who could watch over your basket." "Oh, goody! Who is it?" Simon and his bathtub teleported to New York City. Simon went to his friend, Stefon. Simon asked Stefon the favor, and Stefon gladly obliged. Stefon teleported to Salad's basket. "Wow!" Stefon exclaimed. "This place has everything!" Simon teleported back to his friends. "Done," he said. "Do you want to see a drawing of the situation? Do you?" Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III said, "Thanks, but no thanks, Simon. We've got no time to lose! Onward!" Everyone dashed to the spaceship. Simon teleported the bunch inside. "You're right on time!" said Colonel Pinobscott, who was flying them to Mars. It took them 21.2121212121212121212121212121212121 seconds to get to Mars. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III wanted to make a good impression among the Martians, so he put on a clean pair of overalls. Nobody wore space helmets because in the Storyeth world, living things do not need oxygen to survive. The king of Mars came to greet the visitors. "Welcome to Mars. I am the king, Bruno Mars!" Gasp! Everyone was in disbelief! Even Stefon! Even Salad's basket! Even Jebediah, who was still in Australia!

Stay tuned for the next Storyeth to find out what happens next in this nonsensical unpredictable world!

Guardians of The Forest: Rough Prologue

Prologue

“But there is only so much the Book can tell you,” perceived Sage from the Teacher. She was bewildered at its statement. “B-but I thought--” stammered Sage. “I thought that the Book had all of the information and knowledge that anyone could ever need! It is honest and good and you even said before that it taught you, Teacher!” The Teacher said, “Yes. You are correct that it is honest and good and that it even taught me. But its pages change depending on who reads it. And you were also incorrect when you said that it has all of the information and knowledge that anyone could ever need. Yes, the Book contains all of the spells ever imagined. And it can even tell you your destiny. But it lacks two very important things.” Sage’s eyes grew wider every word that the Teacher spoke. She was determined to be a good listener and to show the Teacher that she was ready for the challenge that faced her.

“One important thing that the Book lacks is experience; There are some things that cannot be taught to you in a book nor by another being. You must experience such things by yourself.” “What are such things?” whispered Sage, awestruck. Always when talking with the Teacher, Sage was amazed by Its awesome might and wisdom. “Adventure, fear, courage, friendship. But most importantly, love.” Sage pondered on that for a moment. The Teacher didn’t seem like It had anything else to say about experience, Sage asked, “What other very important thing does the Book lack?” The Teacher responded, “When I was a pupil, and my teacher was the Writer, I asked many questions about the book. Just like you,” It chuckled. “One question I asked when the Writer was still writing the Book was if everything in the Book was to be true. The Writer told me that for every pupil who was ever to set eyes on the Book, it would purposefully leave out one important detail in their story.” Sensing Sage’s next question, the Teacher said, “The Writer did this so that each student would understand the importance of experience, forcing them to gain wisdom from experience.”

“How will I know what’s missing in the Book in my story?” asked Sage. “You will not  know until the event that has the missing, or perhaps false, information in it occurs.” Sage thought for a while. Then she said, “That’s scary. What if it’s a really important event? You know you can trust the Book on almost everything in your life, but there is one faulty or missing detail that could be really crucial. Since you don’t know what part of your life will be missing or wrong, you will trust everything in the Book; You will have a false sense of security! Then when you experience the event that was said inaccurately in the Book, it could be all over for you!”

“I fear that may happen to you, Sage. And I have good reason to.”

So Sorry

     Hey, guys and gals! I am so sorry that I haven't posted a Storyeth for July. I am also sorry that I have practically abandoned my blog for the past month. This is because I've been really busy; on vacation and moving and busy with martial arts, all of which was out of my control.

     I have some good news and bad news. I'll start with the bad news because otherwise the good news wouldn't make any sense, Storyeth-style. The bad news is that I am testing for my black belt this year, so I have been practicing and training really hard, and I will still have to devote some more time to martial arts. Storyeths are now going to have to come out every two to three months. But the good news is that I am also working on a BIIIIIIIG project. I have ambitions to write a book! This book won't be a Book o' Storyeths, but it will be an exciting book with adventure, surprises, romance, and death! So far it is coming along great, and I think the title will be Guardians of the Forest. I will post the prologue here. I'm sure it will hook you in and grab your attention!

Calling All Gamers!

Hey, gamers! If you scroll to the very bottom, you will see something titled "Some other blogs worth checking out". There, you can find some links to a couple of my friends' blogs. The highlight of the blogs are video games, so if you are a gamer, you should definitely check those blogs out!

My Problem

I have this problem where I blame things on other people... It's my parents' fault! I got it from them! Durn genetics!

How to be Unbored in the Car: Eight Tips

I think we've all had a few times in our life when we're on a long car trip, and all the landscape looks the same. There's nothing to look at, nothing to laugh at, and nothing to DO. Let's face it: The being-in-the-car parts of vacations can be really BORING. Well, this post is to help cure boredom! 

Tip #1: Play a blinking game

Looking out the window can get repetitive... but you can turn repetitiveness into a game! Here's the basic idea of how it works: Let's say you're on a highway. On many highways, there are poles that have mile markers, or signs along the way. You can only blink when you are in between a set of poles, or when your car is not driving by a sign. There are different variations of this game; one I created is when you can only blink when you're driving by another car. You can make up the rules; this is now your game! (And now a message from Captain Obvious: WARNING. THIS GAME IS NOT TO BE PLAYED IF YOU ARE THE DRIVER.) 

Tip #2: Bring all necessary items that bring you joy

Don't be the person that packs everything except one crucial item. After you've packed your bags, double check, then triple check that you have everything. Handheld electronics can be really fun in the car, but make sure you bring headphones, so you don't distract the driver(which had better not be you if you are using these tips!) or disturb other passengers in the car. Also make sure to have car chargers for all electronics you bring. It would be a shame if all you had to play on was a Nintendo 3DS XL, for example, and it died! I would also suggest bring a cellular phone, or CELL phone, as everyone says, that you can watch videos on. You may be able to look up your favorite television show, or TV, as everyone says, and watch it for the whole trip if you do so please! My favorite television show is Saturday Night Live. (Please note that if you are under the age of fourteen, please get parental consent before watching.)https://screen.yahoo.com/bein-quirky-zooey-deschanel-1-000000851.html?query=snl%20zooey is one clip that I would suggest watching. Be sure not to only bring electronics, too. After all, this tip IS called, "Bring ALL necessary items that bring you joy". You should bring books, too. Bring LOTS of books if you are a quick and avid reader(and don't get carsick).

Tip #3: Leave some items in the car

If you know that you sometimes forget something that you want to bring, just leave it in the car. That way, you won't forget about it. One item that I suggest leaving in the car are car chargers for your electronics. I mean, where else would you use car chargers? In your house? In the middle of the sidewalk? In a corn field???

Tip #4: Paper

Paper is an item that many people take for granted, but there's so much you can do with it! You can fold it in over a million ways, you can draw infinite things on it, you can write a story(eth) on it, you can keep track of a made-up language, you can eat it(although I wouldn't recommend it, so make sure you have an adequate food supply!), and you can do so much more! If you bring paper, though, make sure that you have a pencil, pencil sharpener, pens, coloring supplies, and a hard surface.

Tip #5: License Plate Games

There are two games I know of that involve license plates. One is License Plate Bingo. This is where you have to try and get a bingo of the states that you see on license plates. The other is where you make funny acronyms out of three or more letters that you see on license plates. For example, three letters in a row that you might see on a license plate might be "RWM". It is your job to make up what it stands for. River-Wading Marsupial? Radioactive Washing Machines? 

Tip #6: Sleeping

It might sound lazy of me to say, but I think that sleeping is fun. I like it when the rocking of the car lulls me to sleep. It is a great way to pass the time. If you do not enjoy sleeping in the car, completely disregard this tip.

Tip #7: Play games with other passengers

Rock, Paper, Scissors can be fun. If you disagree, put your thinking cap on and make up another game to play with someone else. A fun game to play is one that I like to call the Chain Game. One player starts it out by saying a phrase, or an inside joke that everyone playing would understand. Then another player adds on to it. It's hard to explain, so I will provide an example: Live from New York, it's Saturday Night of the Living Dead Give...Away We Go...Ing on a trip in our favorite rocket ship!... When it is your turn, you have to repeat everything that came before what you are adding on to the chain. This game goes on until someone forgets the chain or someone is stumped and doesn't know what to say.

Tip #8: Use your imagination

I saved the best tip for last. Your imagination is your most powerful tool. You can imagine ANYTHING. I would say that the sky is the limit, but that would imply that there IS a limit! Create an elaborate story, then act it out in your mind. I personally like to use myself as the main character, just to get in on the action.

I understand that this was a rather long post, but you better not EVER utter the words, "Are we there yet?!" again!

Evolution of Characters

Hey, guys! I just wanted to point out that I evolve my storyeth characters! Sometimes I change their names, or change the way they look a bit. (I don't think I own a scanner, but somehow I will find a way to post how my characters look. Some of you, though, I have shown drawings of my characters. I'd be willing to bet that your favorite character drawing is of Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III!) I think that the character that I've evolved the most is Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. For example, when I draw him, the hat that he wears is now a mini hat with a feather and he wears it on the side of his head, not the top anymore. And also, I don't know if you caught this, but in the original email I sent out of "APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY STORYETHS!!!", Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's name was actually Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey McGee Jenkins Junior III. Believe it or not, I made his name slightly shorter, even though it is still very long. So, if you catch little things in my storyeths that just don't add up and have to do with my characters, it was either a typo, or I evolved that character.

How To Win At "Heads Up, Seven Up"

The game "Heads Up, Seven Up" can be a bit irritating, don't you think? (In case you don't know how to play, it's where everyone in a room except for seven people put their heads down and their thumbs up. The seven people who don't put their heads down push seven peoples' thumbs down. Each person only gets to push one other person's thumb down. When the people who pushed everyone else's thumbs down while their heads were down say, "Heads Up, Seven Up!" The seven people who had their thumbs pushed down have to stand up. They each take turns guessing who pushed their thumb down, but they have to choose wisely, because they only get one guess. If they guess correctly, they get to switch places with the person who chose them, so if they guess correctly, it would now be their turn to push peoples' thumbs down.) For those of you who get really frustrated at this game, which I honestly can't blame you, this post is for you!

If You Get Your Thumb Pushed Down

ONLY USE THIS TRICK IF YOU ARE IN A PARTICULARLY BAD MOOD AND WILL SNAP IF YOU LOSE THIS GAME. THIS TRICK MAY BE CONSIDERED BY SOME TO BE CHEATING. If you get your thumb pushed down, instead of scanning the seven possibilities as to who pushed down your thumb, remain seated, while everyone else who had their thumb pushed down has to stand up. Now scan your possibilities. Whoever is looking at you with a confused expression, that's probably the one who picked you. Then stand up, and when it is your turn to guess, GUESS THAT PERSON. YOU'D BE RATHER FOOLISH NOT TO. Unless, of course, they know this trick. This trick only works on people who have never heard of it, and when you are the only one performing the trick.

How To Not Be Guessed

There is no way to guarantee that whoever you chose won't guess you. That is the sad truth. But here are some tips that could help you: Don't make eye contact with anyone. If you are playing with a group that doesn't play that often and doesn't know many of the tricks, don't pick your friends. Your friends may expect you to pick them. If you are playing with a more experienced group, you should either pick your friends because they would be expecting you to pick someone else, or pick someone who you don't hang out with that much or don't know that well. Generally, if you pick someone who you don't know that well, they won't guess that you were the one to pick them, especially if one of their best friends is a possibility, but didn't pick them.

If you have any questions about this game, or comments about this post, please let me know in the comments! Please also be sure to let me know if my tricks and tips help you!

How To Officially Ruin Your Life

WARNING! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. THIS POST MAY CAUSE READERS TO BECOME ENRAGED FREQUENTLY!!!

I assume that you read the warning. Obviously, since you are reading this, you have completely ignored the warning. Smart choices, you people make. Well, here is how to officially ruin your life:

Play The Game

The Game is really simple. Here are the rules:

1. Everyone is always playing The Game, whether they know it or not.

2. If you think about The Game, you lose The Game.

3. If you lose The Game, you must say out loud, "I lost The Game."

4. Once someone loses The Game (which WILL happen), everyone around that person who heard them announce that they lost gets a 30 minute grace period to try and forget the game. This means that if they think about The Game during the half hour grace period, they do not lose. If someone who didn't hear the person announce that they lost The Game, and they lose, everyone who heard BOTH PEOPLE say that they lost gets to have their grace period time reset. So even if someone loses on the last minute of the grace period, everyone who heard gets another 30 minutes.

5. If someone has never heard of The Game, then you must explain it to them.

Make sense?(I lost The Game.)

Don't Cry Over Spilled STORYETHS!!!‏

There was once a jumpy happy-go-lucky walrus. The walrus' name was Salad. Salad lived in a basket. She loved her basket with all her heart. She played her guitar for her basket. She bought her basket gifts for its birthday. But one day, something changed. A mischievous mailbox moved in. The mailbox was their next-door neighbor. Salad went over to introduce herself to the new neighbor. "Greetings!" said the walrus to the mailbox. "Greetings," said the mailbox. "Warm regards to your basket as well!" Salad gasped in horror. "How could you?!" Unfortunately, Salad's basket heard the conversation as well and was so offended that it moved to Portugal. Salad was so sad when her basket moved away. First of all, she had just lost the love of her life. Second of all, recall that she lived in the basket, she was now homeless. But then, Salad remembered a little trick that her good friend, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, had taught her. This trick was only to be used in time of desperate need, and now was most certainly a time of desperate need. Salad floated all the way to Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's house. She knocked on his door. He answered the door. When he saw Salad, he grinned. "Howdy, Salad!" said he. Then he frowned. "Salad, you seem distressed. What's the problem?" "My beloved basket moved to Portugal and I need the magical laptop!" If you, dear reader, are confused right now, you are not alone. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III was also confused. That's why he said to Salad, "Well, why did you come to me? You know who you are supposed to consult when you're distressed!" "Oh, yeah," said Salad, who remembered who she was supposed to consult when she was distressed. Salad held her breath for twenty seconds, because that was the signal. Then Hans and Franz appeared. They said, "We want to pump--" They reverse-clapped. "--you down! Now why are you distressed?" Before Salad could answer, THE FACE, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's friend who lived with him came out and said, "Hey, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, all this commotion woke Little Simon up from his nap. Right now he's giggling. I don't know why." "Aw, crickets!" exclaimed Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. "I didn't want him to wake up until 4:58 PM and, I checked my watch, right now it's only 4:57 PM!" Just then, an elegant cricket wearing a sports coat, top hat, a monocle, and bow tie leaped out from the grass. The cricket said, "Excuse me, but I take great offense from the phrase, 'Aw, crickets'. Would you please refrain from using that expression, at least around me or any other of my fellow crickets? Oh, dear! I've just looked at my pocket watch and found that it is now 4:59. The annual Cricket Convention begins in exactly 19 hours, 8 minutes, and 14 seconds! I may be late! If you need anything, I'm Mister Cricket. If you don't need anything, I'm Professor Cricket. It was ever-so-delightful meeting you!" Then he hopped away. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III said, "Well, I guess I'll never say, 'Aw, crickets' again!" Then THE FACE said, "Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, do you want me to take care of Little Simon? Should I give him a toy? Maybe a ball of yarn, or something?" "Yes. Thanks, THE FACE. You always have my back!" replied Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III cheerfully. THE FACE left to go give Little Simon a ball of yarn. Salad said, "Hans and Franz, I apologize for making you wait so long." "We accept your apology, Salad," said Hans and Franz robotically. "And thank you for waiting so patiently," said Salad. "You're welcome, Salad," responded Hans and Franz. "You see," began Salad. "What I am distressed about is the fact that my beloved basket moved away. It moved to Portugal. I need the magical laptop to get it back. Without it, I don't have a home, or anything to love." "Well, you can always love me!" said Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. He grinned, and Salad could see all three of his green teeth. "I will always love you as my best friend, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. But I need my basket back, because I will always love it as my home," said Salad. "Alright. We will go on an epic quest to get your magical laptop!" Hans and Franz went out to find the magical laptop. They took the vorpal blade and slayed the Jabberwocky. Then a troll who was watching from behind a tree came up to Hans and Franz and talked to them. He said, "I see you are seeking the magical laptop. Allow me to help you out. I will give you the magical laptop. But! I will only give it to you if you can solve my riddle!" "Okay," said Hans and Franz. "Tell us your riddle." The troll grew an extra arm. Then he said, "'I love air so much I breathe it every single day. I love the Earth so much I live on it.' I will give you five minutes to solve my riddle. If you cannot solve it within the provided time, no magical laptop for you! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" "That's easy!" exclaimed Hans and Franz. "The answer is One Direction!" "Dagnabbit!" Exclaimed the troll. He handed the magical laptop to Hans and Franz. Then he said, "Gee, everyone always gets the answer to my riddles right away! Maybe I should come up with some new riddles!" Then the troll disappeared. Hans and Franz returned the magical laptop to Salad. Salad was overjoyed. "Oh, thank you, thank you thank you!!! I can't believe it! You gave me my magical laptop!" Salad immediately typed in "Control+z", and then the whole day was deleted. She was back with her basket. This time, when the mailbox tried to move in next-door, Salad didn't let it. And Salad, her basket, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, THE FACE, Little Simon, Hans, Franz, and even the troll and the mailbox lived happily ever after.

Then Bob ate a pie. You know. 'Cause Bob eats pie.

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY STORYETHS!!!‏

There was once a moose named Unmoose. Unmoose was a carefree young spirit who loved to write emails. He also loved to smell tires. Unmoose's best friend's name is Turtle. Turtle is a turtle. Turtle was sad. This is because he wanted so badly to wear a jacket, but he couldn't because all of the jackets he tried on were too happy for him. Turtle turned around. Unmoose was having a karaoke contest that day. Turtle was bad at singing, so he did not attend the contest. Instead, turtle went to school. He went into the science lab and picked up a magnifying glass. He threw it out of the window. That was a problem, though, because the science lab didn't have any windows. After Turtle realized that there weren't any windows, he opened the cabinet and found a bowl. It was a super bowl. There was a sandal in the bowl. Turtle took out a Clorox wipe from the sandal. He wiped the ceiling. The ceiling was then clean. Turtle said, "I would like some toothpaste. It really strikes my fancy." Turtle went to an airport. He found a tomato. He took the tomato to his eighth-favorite hat. Turtle lifted up the hat and walked down the stairs, under the hat. He placed the tomato beside his piano. He took the elevator back up. When he got up, he looked both ways to make sure nobody was watching, and then he turned into a 6-year-old man whose beard defied gravity. Turtle then went to JC Penney's. He bought a jacket and wore it forever. The cashier who helped him purchase the jacket was a lizard who liked to eat bananas. He ate oranges every single day, for every meal. He even wore a blue shirt. He wanted a poster. If the lizard was a good girl, he could get one for the holidays. But he was a boy, and that was a problem. "Oh well," thought the lizard. The lizard decided to go for a stroll. He wanted to go to Puerto Rico, so he casually walked there. When he got there, he met a polar bear. The polar bear ate a ninja. The ninja's name was Teddy. Before he was devoured, Teddy liked to draw. He only drew with the color yellow. Teddy was sad. That was because he didn't want to get eaten. And so he said, "By the power of feathered striped foxes!" Then he popped out of the polar bear. Said the ninja, "Top of the morning, polar bear! But please, would you mind not eating me again?" "Okay," said the polar bear. Teddy walked away. He did not realize, yet, that his left hand was lemon-flavored. But, soon enough, as any sensible decent gorilla being would, he tested to see what his left hand tasted like. Teddy found that his hand tasted like strawberries. Teddy found a nickel on the sidewalk one day. He threw it as far as he could. A compassionate lemur caught the nickel and gently placed it under his tongue. He did not know what the square root of a guitar was, so he took the nickel and traded it for a diamond at Walgreens. Then the lemur went to McDonald's. At McDonald's, he saw Queen Elizabeth IV. She said, "FINGERNAIL." That was the magic word. The magic word, however, only works if a magical person says it. That is the only way the spell will work. Fortunately, Queen Elizabeth IV was a sorceress. The spell worked, and she had a paperclip in her pocket. She decided to try out another spell. After 18.748568365947659474938377777777777777777212121212121212121212121212121212121 seconds, though, Queen Elizabeth IV decided that the spell was not such a good idea. She did, however, eat a doughnut. Then she drew a polygon on the wall of McDonald's. The polygon was a 6-dimensional rectangle. Then, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III read little Simon a bedtime story. THE END. 

THE EPIC OF STORYETH-MESH!!!‏

Once upon a time, there was a crow. The crow's favorite color was yellow. That's why she wore orange every day. She likes to watch television. She watches Teletubbies. Teletubbies is her favorite show. Said the crow, "Starting on Tuesday, every Wednesday, I will live in a filing cabinet."

Next Thursday, the crow went for a walk. She saw a post-it note. The post-it note was blank. The crow took her chainsaw out of her back pocket. But it was Thursday, so she couldn't dispose of the chainsaw. Instead, she placed it upon the moon. The moon said, "Little crow, what are you doing up here? Your destiny is to be a fry cook at McDonald's!" And so the crow ventured to Dairy Queen. That day, Dairy Queen only sold dry erase markers. But the crow did not wish to have a dry erase marker. So she asked the employee of the eternity, a sweaty mongoose with a 2-dimensional head and a 3-dimensional jaw, "Will you marry me?" The mongoose replied, "No, but I will give you a sarcastic ocelot. You can marry him if you like." "What if I don't like?" asked the crow. "If you don't like you can marry a lumpy zebra." "I think I will marry a lumpy zebra," said the crow. The zebra didn't like keyboards. The zebra did like movies, though! The zebra and the crow (they were now happily married) They went to a movie called, "Merry Christmas, Eyebrows! Hey, Eyebrows, There's Something I'd Like To Tell You! There Was Once A Baboon Who Loved Shoes. Unfortunately, He Didn't Have Any Shoes. That Made Him Very Sad. Because He Was Sad, And It Was A Wednesday, And He Didn't Live Within 7 Miles Of A Chair, He Had To Go To The Nearest Corn Field He Could Find. At That Very Moment, He Happened To Feel Sacred. But That Was A Problem, Because He Wanted To Feel Embarrassed, So He Decided To Eat A Lawnmower, And Name Himself Justin. Justin Felt Embarrassed. But Unfortunately, Justin Was Satisfied Because He Felt Embarrassed, So He No Longer Felt Embarrassed. Then, Justin Became Angry Because He Was No Longer Embarrassed." After the movie, the zebra said, "That movie was not very goo." The crow agreed that the movie was not goo. But they both thought it was good. They decided to go to to the dumpster. It was a wonderful place to be. As they were floating along softly to the dumpster, they saw an apprehensive goat. The goat was hungry. That's why she went to Taco Bell. She said to the worker at Taco Bell, "I would like two capital Hs to go, please." The employee, a sympathetic iguana, said, "I'm sorry, we're out of two capital Hs. May I interest you in three capital Hs?" The goat gladly accepted three capital Hs. "It is time..." thought Pam. "It is time... to reveal my secret..."

¡Es la storyeth de Marzo!‏

There was once (or twice) an eagle called Giraffe. Giraffe loved to sing and put on magic shows. Giraffe went to a play. However, 23 days through the performance, Giraffe got bored and left. Giraffe was muy triste. This was because he was homeless. And so he swam to school. He had an important message to deliver to the teacher. He said to the teacher, "Sometimes." and then he left to travel the world. Now, of course, the teacher was confused. I mean, you can't just go up to a person and say, "Sometimes"! The teacher ran after Giraffe, wanting him to say, "Some. Times." But then he saw Hans and Franz. Hans and Franz said, "We want to pump--" they reverse-clapped. "You down!" The teacher was so relieved to see them. After all, they were his HEROES! The teacher held his breath for 20 seconds, because that was the signal. Hans and Franz saw the signal and sprung into action. The teacher returned to his duty. He was the one and only alligator brightener, and it was an important task. On the chase for Giraffe, Hans and Franz accidentally made a wrong turn and turned into Vietnam. There was a rabbit going about his duty in Vietnam. He saw Hans and Franz. He continued going about his duty. But it was a Monday, which meant he had necklace school! He was going to be late! The rabbit ran back to where he had seen Hans and Franz. But they were nowhere to be found. "Only Santa Claus can help me now!" thought the rabbit. So he took his car to the North Pole. Halfway there, his car broke down. Then he took his handy-dandy firetruck the rest of the way to the North Pole. He never went anywhere without his firetruck. In four minutes, he was at the North Pole. There was a kangaroo at the North Pole. "Oh, goody, oh, goody!" exclaimed the kangaroo. "We never get ANY visitors. I wonder who it could be?" The kangaroo saw the rabbit and she put on her favorite wizard costume. The rabbit said, "I'm looking for Santa." "Well why look for him? I am a great help!" said the kangaroo. "Well," began the rabbit. "I'm going to be late for my necklace school. Can you help me?" "Why, of course!" hooted the kangaroo. "But for a fee. You must play me the most beautiful nunchuck song you know." "But I don't have any nunchucks on me!" said the rabbit glumly. "I do!" said the kangaroo. "You may kiss the bride," said the tree frog. Their honeymoon was in Chicago. Chicago is in North America. Chicago is in the U.S.A. Chicago is in the Midwest Region. Chicago is in Illinois. Chicago is very heavily populated. There's a cheetah who lives there. The cheetah said, "I gotta have more pigbell!" 

Thy Storyeth

There once was a young hummingbird who loved to dance. She also loved collecting phonographs. One day, when she was riding her trusty steed, a humpback whale made of wood, she came across an old peanut. She stopped the whale and closely examined the peanut with her kaleidoscope, which she always had on hand. The peanut through the kaleidoscope looked like a banana to the hummingbird, so she took out an apple and began to munch. But it was a Tuesday, so she couldn't throw the apple core away. Instead, she rode home and placed it beside her fax machine. She then waited exactly 24 hours and then she went to a Burger King. Burger King was having a special that Wednesday and they were selling ukuleles. The hummingbird gladly accepted a ukulele. She exited the Burger King and rode her humpback whale to the bus stop, where there was an anteater waiting for the train. The hummingbird took out a calculator and threw it to the anteater. The anteater caught the calculator with his claws. He took the train from the bus stop to his desk. When he arrived at his desk, he grabbed his lampshade and balanced the calculator on the lampshade. He just so happened at that very moment, to feel jealous. He looked out the window, and he did not see a full moon. He knew what that meant. The anteater sprinted to the YMCA and back. However, on his way back, he saw a yellow elephant. The yellow elephant was wearing a tutu, and she was going to art class. When she got to art class, she painted a picture of a movie. In the movie, there was a buzzard that was talking on his smartphone. The buzzard's favorite letter on Mondays-Saturdays was "M", but on Sundays it was "R" and it was a Friday, so that meant that the buzzard only got to play Minecraft for six hours instead of four. When he was playing Minecraft, he got very angry because there were no circles, and triangles were his favorites. The buzzard used his favorite calming-down technique, which was to sing "Like a good neighbor, StateFarm is there" exactly fourteen times, then eat the most appetizing stapler he could find. Unfortunately, he was all out of staplers, so he had to go to the library. The buzzard took the nail polish airplane to the school. The history teacher was a very attractive kangaroo. The kangaroo said to the flamingo, "I like Fanta orange soda." That was the lesson of the day, so the flamingo was free to go to her favorite place on earth: in a cardboard box. Unfortunately for the flamingo, it was a Saturday, which meant that she had to complete her pencil sharpening lessons first. She did not like these lessons AT ALL. She played hooky and did not go to her pencil sharpening lessons. She enjoyed it at first, but soon, she stepped on a sanitary filing cabinet. She cried and cried. Eventually a considerate peacock was strolling by, and he gave the flamingo a jump rope, and the flamingo was overjoyed. The peacock was proud of being so kind to the flamingo, so he decided to celebrate his considerate nature by going to by far the best place on Earth-- White Castle. At White Castle, a rhinoceros, who was the employee of the nanosecond, recommended to the peacock Little Caesars. And then the rhinoceros said "Pizza, pizza!" exactly twenty-one times. The peacock thought that was a good joke, so he laughed a lot. That's how he got to Red Lobster; his laugh-powered car. At Red Lobster, there was a jaguar. The peacock said to the jaguar, "Guess What?" The jaguar said, "Why?" The peacock replied, "Why, because guessing is great fun!" So the jaguar said, "Okay, I'll guess. Nineteen?" The peacock had a bewildered look on his face. "Actually," he said, "I believe it's Twenty-two." "Close but no cigarette!" exclaimed the jaguar. Then Jebediah flew to Australia. THE END.