Don't Cry Over Spilled STORYETHS!!!‏

There was once a jumpy happy-go-lucky walrus. The walrus' name was Salad. Salad lived in a basket. She loved her basket with all her heart. She played her guitar for her basket. She bought her basket gifts for its birthday. But one day, something changed. A mischievous mailbox moved in. The mailbox was their next-door neighbor. Salad went over to introduce herself to the new neighbor. "Greetings!" said the walrus to the mailbox. "Greetings," said the mailbox. "Warm regards to your basket as well!" Salad gasped in horror. "How could you?!" Unfortunately, Salad's basket heard the conversation as well and was so offended that it moved to Portugal. Salad was so sad when her basket moved away. First of all, she had just lost the love of her life. Second of all, recall that she lived in the basket, she was now homeless. But then, Salad remembered a little trick that her good friend, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, had taught her. This trick was only to be used in time of desperate need, and now was most certainly a time of desperate need. Salad floated all the way to Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's house. She knocked on his door. He answered the door. When he saw Salad, he grinned. "Howdy, Salad!" said he. Then he frowned. "Salad, you seem distressed. What's the problem?" "My beloved basket moved to Portugal and I need the magical laptop!" If you, dear reader, are confused right now, you are not alone. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III was also confused. That's why he said to Salad, "Well, why did you come to me? You know who you are supposed to consult when you're distressed!" "Oh, yeah," said Salad, who remembered who she was supposed to consult when she was distressed. Salad held her breath for twenty seconds, because that was the signal. Then Hans and Franz appeared. They said, "We want to pump--" They reverse-clapped. "--you down! Now why are you distressed?" Before Salad could answer, THE FACE, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's friend who lived with him came out and said, "Hey, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, all this commotion woke Little Simon up from his nap. Right now he's giggling. I don't know why." "Aw, crickets!" exclaimed Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. "I didn't want him to wake up until 4:58 PM and, I checked my watch, right now it's only 4:57 PM!" Just then, an elegant cricket wearing a sports coat, top hat, a monocle, and bow tie leaped out from the grass. The cricket said, "Excuse me, but I take great offense from the phrase, 'Aw, crickets'. Would you please refrain from using that expression, at least around me or any other of my fellow crickets? Oh, dear! I've just looked at my pocket watch and found that it is now 4:59. The annual Cricket Convention begins in exactly 19 hours, 8 minutes, and 14 seconds! I may be late! If you need anything, I'm Mister Cricket. If you don't need anything, I'm Professor Cricket. It was ever-so-delightful meeting you!" Then he hopped away. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III said, "Well, I guess I'll never say, 'Aw, crickets' again!" Then THE FACE said, "Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, do you want me to take care of Little Simon? Should I give him a toy? Maybe a ball of yarn, or something?" "Yes. Thanks, THE FACE. You always have my back!" replied Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III cheerfully. THE FACE left to go give Little Simon a ball of yarn. Salad said, "Hans and Franz, I apologize for making you wait so long." "We accept your apology, Salad," said Hans and Franz robotically. "And thank you for waiting so patiently," said Salad. "You're welcome, Salad," responded Hans and Franz. "You see," began Salad. "What I am distressed about is the fact that my beloved basket moved away. It moved to Portugal. I need the magical laptop to get it back. Without it, I don't have a home, or anything to love." "Well, you can always love me!" said Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. He grinned, and Salad could see all three of his green teeth. "I will always love you as my best friend, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. But I need my basket back, because I will always love it as my home," said Salad. "Alright. We will go on an epic quest to get your magical laptop!" Hans and Franz went out to find the magical laptop. They took the vorpal blade and slayed the Jabberwocky. Then a troll who was watching from behind a tree came up to Hans and Franz and talked to them. He said, "I see you are seeking the magical laptop. Allow me to help you out. I will give you the magical laptop. But! I will only give it to you if you can solve my riddle!" "Okay," said Hans and Franz. "Tell us your riddle." The troll grew an extra arm. Then he said, "'I love air so much I breathe it every single day. I love the Earth so much I live on it.' I will give you five minutes to solve my riddle. If you cannot solve it within the provided time, no magical laptop for you! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" "That's easy!" exclaimed Hans and Franz. "The answer is One Direction!" "Dagnabbit!" Exclaimed the troll. He handed the magical laptop to Hans and Franz. Then he said, "Gee, everyone always gets the answer to my riddles right away! Maybe I should come up with some new riddles!" Then the troll disappeared. Hans and Franz returned the magical laptop to Salad. Salad was overjoyed. "Oh, thank you, thank you thank you!!! I can't believe it! You gave me my magical laptop!" Salad immediately typed in "Control+z", and then the whole day was deleted. She was back with her basket. This time, when the mailbox tried to move in next-door, Salad didn't let it. And Salad, her basket, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, THE FACE, Little Simon, Hans, Franz, and even the troll and the mailbox lived happily ever after.

Then Bob ate a pie. You know. 'Cause Bob eats pie.