Evolution of Characters

Hey, guys! I just wanted to point out that I evolve my storyeth characters! Sometimes I change their names, or change the way they look a bit. (I don't think I own a scanner, but somehow I will find a way to post how my characters look. Some of you, though, I have shown drawings of my characters. I'd be willing to bet that your favorite character drawing is of Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III!) I think that the character that I've evolved the most is Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. For example, when I draw him, the hat that he wears is now a mini hat with a feather and he wears it on the side of his head, not the top anymore. And also, I don't know if you caught this, but in the original email I sent out of "APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY STORYETHS!!!", Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's name was actually Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey McGee Jenkins Junior III. Believe it or not, I made his name slightly shorter, even though it is still very long. So, if you catch little things in my storyeths that just don't add up and have to do with my characters, it was either a typo, or I evolved that character.

How To Win At "Heads Up, Seven Up"

The game "Heads Up, Seven Up" can be a bit irritating, don't you think? (In case you don't know how to play, it's where everyone in a room except for seven people put their heads down and their thumbs up. The seven people who don't put their heads down push seven peoples' thumbs down. Each person only gets to push one other person's thumb down. When the people who pushed everyone else's thumbs down while their heads were down say, "Heads Up, Seven Up!" The seven people who had their thumbs pushed down have to stand up. They each take turns guessing who pushed their thumb down, but they have to choose wisely, because they only get one guess. If they guess correctly, they get to switch places with the person who chose them, so if they guess correctly, it would now be their turn to push peoples' thumbs down.) For those of you who get really frustrated at this game, which I honestly can't blame you, this post is for you!

If You Get Your Thumb Pushed Down

ONLY USE THIS TRICK IF YOU ARE IN A PARTICULARLY BAD MOOD AND WILL SNAP IF YOU LOSE THIS GAME. THIS TRICK MAY BE CONSIDERED BY SOME TO BE CHEATING. If you get your thumb pushed down, instead of scanning the seven possibilities as to who pushed down your thumb, remain seated, while everyone else who had their thumb pushed down has to stand up. Now scan your possibilities. Whoever is looking at you with a confused expression, that's probably the one who picked you. Then stand up, and when it is your turn to guess, GUESS THAT PERSON. YOU'D BE RATHER FOOLISH NOT TO. Unless, of course, they know this trick. This trick only works on people who have never heard of it, and when you are the only one performing the trick.

How To Not Be Guessed

There is no way to guarantee that whoever you chose won't guess you. That is the sad truth. But here are some tips that could help you: Don't make eye contact with anyone. If you are playing with a group that doesn't play that often and doesn't know many of the tricks, don't pick your friends. Your friends may expect you to pick them. If you are playing with a more experienced group, you should either pick your friends because they would be expecting you to pick someone else, or pick someone who you don't hang out with that much or don't know that well. Generally, if you pick someone who you don't know that well, they won't guess that you were the one to pick them, especially if one of their best friends is a possibility, but didn't pick them.

If you have any questions about this game, or comments about this post, please let me know in the comments! Please also be sure to let me know if my tricks and tips help you!

How To Officially Ruin Your Life

WARNING! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. THIS POST MAY CAUSE READERS TO BECOME ENRAGED FREQUENTLY!!!

I assume that you read the warning. Obviously, since you are reading this, you have completely ignored the warning. Smart choices, you people make. Well, here is how to officially ruin your life:

Play The Game

The Game is really simple. Here are the rules:

1. Everyone is always playing The Game, whether they know it or not.

2. If you think about The Game, you lose The Game.

3. If you lose The Game, you must say out loud, "I lost The Game."

4. Once someone loses The Game (which WILL happen), everyone around that person who heard them announce that they lost gets a 30 minute grace period to try and forget the game. This means that if they think about The Game during the half hour grace period, they do not lose. If someone who didn't hear the person announce that they lost The Game, and they lose, everyone who heard BOTH PEOPLE say that they lost gets to have their grace period time reset. So even if someone loses on the last minute of the grace period, everyone who heard gets another 30 minutes.

5. If someone has never heard of The Game, then you must explain it to them.

Make sense?(I lost The Game.)

Don't Cry Over Spilled STORYETHS!!!‏

There was once a jumpy happy-go-lucky walrus. The walrus' name was Salad. Salad lived in a basket. She loved her basket with all her heart. She played her guitar for her basket. She bought her basket gifts for its birthday. But one day, something changed. A mischievous mailbox moved in. The mailbox was their next-door neighbor. Salad went over to introduce herself to the new neighbor. "Greetings!" said the walrus to the mailbox. "Greetings," said the mailbox. "Warm regards to your basket as well!" Salad gasped in horror. "How could you?!" Unfortunately, Salad's basket heard the conversation as well and was so offended that it moved to Portugal. Salad was so sad when her basket moved away. First of all, she had just lost the love of her life. Second of all, recall that she lived in the basket, she was now homeless. But then, Salad remembered a little trick that her good friend, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, had taught her. This trick was only to be used in time of desperate need, and now was most certainly a time of desperate need. Salad floated all the way to Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's house. She knocked on his door. He answered the door. When he saw Salad, he grinned. "Howdy, Salad!" said he. Then he frowned. "Salad, you seem distressed. What's the problem?" "My beloved basket moved to Portugal and I need the magical laptop!" If you, dear reader, are confused right now, you are not alone. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III was also confused. That's why he said to Salad, "Well, why did you come to me? You know who you are supposed to consult when you're distressed!" "Oh, yeah," said Salad, who remembered who she was supposed to consult when she was distressed. Salad held her breath for twenty seconds, because that was the signal. Then Hans and Franz appeared. They said, "We want to pump--" They reverse-clapped. "--you down! Now why are you distressed?" Before Salad could answer, THE FACE, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III's friend who lived with him came out and said, "Hey, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, all this commotion woke Little Simon up from his nap. Right now he's giggling. I don't know why." "Aw, crickets!" exclaimed Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. "I didn't want him to wake up until 4:58 PM and, I checked my watch, right now it's only 4:57 PM!" Just then, an elegant cricket wearing a sports coat, top hat, a monocle, and bow tie leaped out from the grass. The cricket said, "Excuse me, but I take great offense from the phrase, 'Aw, crickets'. Would you please refrain from using that expression, at least around me or any other of my fellow crickets? Oh, dear! I've just looked at my pocket watch and found that it is now 4:59. The annual Cricket Convention begins in exactly 19 hours, 8 minutes, and 14 seconds! I may be late! If you need anything, I'm Mister Cricket. If you don't need anything, I'm Professor Cricket. It was ever-so-delightful meeting you!" Then he hopped away. Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III said, "Well, I guess I'll never say, 'Aw, crickets' again!" Then THE FACE said, "Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, do you want me to take care of Little Simon? Should I give him a toy? Maybe a ball of yarn, or something?" "Yes. Thanks, THE FACE. You always have my back!" replied Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III cheerfully. THE FACE left to go give Little Simon a ball of yarn. Salad said, "Hans and Franz, I apologize for making you wait so long." "We accept your apology, Salad," said Hans and Franz robotically. "And thank you for waiting so patiently," said Salad. "You're welcome, Salad," responded Hans and Franz. "You see," began Salad. "What I am distressed about is the fact that my beloved basket moved away. It moved to Portugal. I need the magical laptop to get it back. Without it, I don't have a home, or anything to love." "Well, you can always love me!" said Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. He grinned, and Salad could see all three of his green teeth. "I will always love you as my best friend, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III. But I need my basket back, because I will always love it as my home," said Salad. "Alright. We will go on an epic quest to get your magical laptop!" Hans and Franz went out to find the magical laptop. They took the vorpal blade and slayed the Jabberwocky. Then a troll who was watching from behind a tree came up to Hans and Franz and talked to them. He said, "I see you are seeking the magical laptop. Allow me to help you out. I will give you the magical laptop. But! I will only give it to you if you can solve my riddle!" "Okay," said Hans and Franz. "Tell us your riddle." The troll grew an extra arm. Then he said, "'I love air so much I breathe it every single day. I love the Earth so much I live on it.' I will give you five minutes to solve my riddle. If you cannot solve it within the provided time, no magical laptop for you! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" "That's easy!" exclaimed Hans and Franz. "The answer is One Direction!" "Dagnabbit!" Exclaimed the troll. He handed the magical laptop to Hans and Franz. Then he said, "Gee, everyone always gets the answer to my riddles right away! Maybe I should come up with some new riddles!" Then the troll disappeared. Hans and Franz returned the magical laptop to Salad. Salad was overjoyed. "Oh, thank you, thank you thank you!!! I can't believe it! You gave me my magical laptop!" Salad immediately typed in "Control+z", and then the whole day was deleted. She was back with her basket. This time, when the mailbox tried to move in next-door, Salad didn't let it. And Salad, her basket, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III, THE FACE, Little Simon, Hans, Franz, and even the troll and the mailbox lived happily ever after.

Then Bob ate a pie. You know. 'Cause Bob eats pie.

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY STORYETHS!!!‏

There was once a moose named Unmoose. Unmoose was a carefree young spirit who loved to write emails. He also loved to smell tires. Unmoose's best friend's name is Turtle. Turtle is a turtle. Turtle was sad. This is because he wanted so badly to wear a jacket, but he couldn't because all of the jackets he tried on were too happy for him. Turtle turned around. Unmoose was having a karaoke contest that day. Turtle was bad at singing, so he did not attend the contest. Instead, turtle went to school. He went into the science lab and picked up a magnifying glass. He threw it out of the window. That was a problem, though, because the science lab didn't have any windows. After Turtle realized that there weren't any windows, he opened the cabinet and found a bowl. It was a super bowl. There was a sandal in the bowl. Turtle took out a Clorox wipe from the sandal. He wiped the ceiling. The ceiling was then clean. Turtle said, "I would like some toothpaste. It really strikes my fancy." Turtle went to an airport. He found a tomato. He took the tomato to his eighth-favorite hat. Turtle lifted up the hat and walked down the stairs, under the hat. He placed the tomato beside his piano. He took the elevator back up. When he got up, he looked both ways to make sure nobody was watching, and then he turned into a 6-year-old man whose beard defied gravity. Turtle then went to JC Penney's. He bought a jacket and wore it forever. The cashier who helped him purchase the jacket was a lizard who liked to eat bananas. He ate oranges every single day, for every meal. He even wore a blue shirt. He wanted a poster. If the lizard was a good girl, he could get one for the holidays. But he was a boy, and that was a problem. "Oh well," thought the lizard. The lizard decided to go for a stroll. He wanted to go to Puerto Rico, so he casually walked there. When he got there, he met a polar bear. The polar bear ate a ninja. The ninja's name was Teddy. Before he was devoured, Teddy liked to draw. He only drew with the color yellow. Teddy was sad. That was because he didn't want to get eaten. And so he said, "By the power of feathered striped foxes!" Then he popped out of the polar bear. Said the ninja, "Top of the morning, polar bear! But please, would you mind not eating me again?" "Okay," said the polar bear. Teddy walked away. He did not realize, yet, that his left hand was lemon-flavored. But, soon enough, as any sensible decent gorilla being would, he tested to see what his left hand tasted like. Teddy found that his hand tasted like strawberries. Teddy found a nickel on the sidewalk one day. He threw it as far as he could. A compassionate lemur caught the nickel and gently placed it under his tongue. He did not know what the square root of a guitar was, so he took the nickel and traded it for a diamond at Walgreens. Then the lemur went to McDonald's. At McDonald's, he saw Queen Elizabeth IV. She said, "FINGERNAIL." That was the magic word. The magic word, however, only works if a magical person says it. That is the only way the spell will work. Fortunately, Queen Elizabeth IV was a sorceress. The spell worked, and she had a paperclip in her pocket. She decided to try out another spell. After 18.748568365947659474938377777777777777777212121212121212121212121212121212121 seconds, though, Queen Elizabeth IV decided that the spell was not such a good idea. She did, however, eat a doughnut. Then she drew a polygon on the wall of McDonald's. The polygon was a 6-dimensional rectangle. Then, Uncle Billy Bobby Joseph Joey Jenkins Junior III read little Simon a bedtime story. THE END. 

THE EPIC OF STORYETH-MESH!!!‏

Once upon a time, there was a crow. The crow's favorite color was yellow. That's why she wore orange every day. She likes to watch television. She watches Teletubbies. Teletubbies is her favorite show. Said the crow, "Starting on Tuesday, every Wednesday, I will live in a filing cabinet."

Next Thursday, the crow went for a walk. She saw a post-it note. The post-it note was blank. The crow took her chainsaw out of her back pocket. But it was Thursday, so she couldn't dispose of the chainsaw. Instead, she placed it upon the moon. The moon said, "Little crow, what are you doing up here? Your destiny is to be a fry cook at McDonald's!" And so the crow ventured to Dairy Queen. That day, Dairy Queen only sold dry erase markers. But the crow did not wish to have a dry erase marker. So she asked the employee of the eternity, a sweaty mongoose with a 2-dimensional head and a 3-dimensional jaw, "Will you marry me?" The mongoose replied, "No, but I will give you a sarcastic ocelot. You can marry him if you like." "What if I don't like?" asked the crow. "If you don't like you can marry a lumpy zebra." "I think I will marry a lumpy zebra," said the crow. The zebra didn't like keyboards. The zebra did like movies, though! The zebra and the crow (they were now happily married) They went to a movie called, "Merry Christmas, Eyebrows! Hey, Eyebrows, There's Something I'd Like To Tell You! There Was Once A Baboon Who Loved Shoes. Unfortunately, He Didn't Have Any Shoes. That Made Him Very Sad. Because He Was Sad, And It Was A Wednesday, And He Didn't Live Within 7 Miles Of A Chair, He Had To Go To The Nearest Corn Field He Could Find. At That Very Moment, He Happened To Feel Sacred. But That Was A Problem, Because He Wanted To Feel Embarrassed, So He Decided To Eat A Lawnmower, And Name Himself Justin. Justin Felt Embarrassed. But Unfortunately, Justin Was Satisfied Because He Felt Embarrassed, So He No Longer Felt Embarrassed. Then, Justin Became Angry Because He Was No Longer Embarrassed." After the movie, the zebra said, "That movie was not very goo." The crow agreed that the movie was not goo. But they both thought it was good. They decided to go to to the dumpster. It was a wonderful place to be. As they were floating along softly to the dumpster, they saw an apprehensive goat. The goat was hungry. That's why she went to Taco Bell. She said to the worker at Taco Bell, "I would like two capital Hs to go, please." The employee, a sympathetic iguana, said, "I'm sorry, we're out of two capital Hs. May I interest you in three capital Hs?" The goat gladly accepted three capital Hs. "It is time..." thought Pam. "It is time... to reveal my secret..."

¡Es la storyeth de Marzo!‏

There was once (or twice) an eagle called Giraffe. Giraffe loved to sing and put on magic shows. Giraffe went to a play. However, 23 days through the performance, Giraffe got bored and left. Giraffe was muy triste. This was because he was homeless. And so he swam to school. He had an important message to deliver to the teacher. He said to the teacher, "Sometimes." and then he left to travel the world. Now, of course, the teacher was confused. I mean, you can't just go up to a person and say, "Sometimes"! The teacher ran after Giraffe, wanting him to say, "Some. Times." But then he saw Hans and Franz. Hans and Franz said, "We want to pump--" they reverse-clapped. "You down!" The teacher was so relieved to see them. After all, they were his HEROES! The teacher held his breath for 20 seconds, because that was the signal. Hans and Franz saw the signal and sprung into action. The teacher returned to his duty. He was the one and only alligator brightener, and it was an important task. On the chase for Giraffe, Hans and Franz accidentally made a wrong turn and turned into Vietnam. There was a rabbit going about his duty in Vietnam. He saw Hans and Franz. He continued going about his duty. But it was a Monday, which meant he had necklace school! He was going to be late! The rabbit ran back to where he had seen Hans and Franz. But they were nowhere to be found. "Only Santa Claus can help me now!" thought the rabbit. So he took his car to the North Pole. Halfway there, his car broke down. Then he took his handy-dandy firetruck the rest of the way to the North Pole. He never went anywhere without his firetruck. In four minutes, he was at the North Pole. There was a kangaroo at the North Pole. "Oh, goody, oh, goody!" exclaimed the kangaroo. "We never get ANY visitors. I wonder who it could be?" The kangaroo saw the rabbit and she put on her favorite wizard costume. The rabbit said, "I'm looking for Santa." "Well why look for him? I am a great help!" said the kangaroo. "Well," began the rabbit. "I'm going to be late for my necklace school. Can you help me?" "Why, of course!" hooted the kangaroo. "But for a fee. You must play me the most beautiful nunchuck song you know." "But I don't have any nunchucks on me!" said the rabbit glumly. "I do!" said the kangaroo. "You may kiss the bride," said the tree frog. Their honeymoon was in Chicago. Chicago is in North America. Chicago is in the U.S.A. Chicago is in the Midwest Region. Chicago is in Illinois. Chicago is very heavily populated. There's a cheetah who lives there. The cheetah said, "I gotta have more pigbell!"